I’m Ranting…Again.


image source:click here

I’m beginning to feel the heat of my impending move to Kochi, and it fills me with a myriad of emotions. Happiness , yes. Im going to be living near my parents now .so that’s a good thing. But Goa has been my home for over 7 years and I doubt if we will ever get a chance to come live here again. I love Goa so much it is home to me.

But Kochi too is home. I was born in Kochi and spend a substantial part of my life there.

But I find myself suddenly apprehensive about moving back.Most of my concerns stem from the fact that Kochi has treated me(and many other women , Im sure) very shabbily.
Im taking about eve-teasing( though I feel the word ‘teasing’ really downplays the severity of the action, making it sound almost comical and trivial).

Do you think I’m over reacting? I don’t think so. I have been leered at jostled, poked, pinched and grabbed by men young and old. It has happened at the theatre, on buses, on my walk back from college and even in the temple.

With these incidents come a tsunami of emotion-Grief, extreme anger and hopelessness. And now that Im moving back to Kochi, it annoys me that I will have to always be careful as to what I’m wearing(she shirt shouldn’t be even the wee bit transparent or short for that matter, the dupatta needs to be in place!).I will also think a million times before traveling alone. Feminists have called these incidents ‘little rapes’ and they are, aren’t they?

Even as I write this my blood boils and given a chance I would love to pummel the bejesus out of these shameless perverts but this rarely translates into action (for me)and I often find myself frozen at that moment. Yet I feel sad that we talk of a progressive society but ignore the basic need to respect each other and very strongly feel that only a public humiliation will get these perverts to think twice before they touch or tease a girl without her permission.

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33 Comments

  1. Here I was only yesterday saying Kerala is much better than TN in terms of this kinds of harrassment and I am sadly mistaken.
    May you have the strength to deal with this and give the idiots some broken bones.

    Reply
  2. I don’t know about Kochi but I do believe in one thing – there’s no eve-teasing, it’s sexual harassment, plain and simple.
    Best of luck with the move!

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  3. I can see why you’d have mixed feelings about moving back there. Good luck with your move and I hope things have improved in Kochi!

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  4. I totally understand your thoughts. Hope everything will turn out just fine for you..Good luck :-)

    Reply
  5. I am in cochin for a long time and did not see any incidents there. But if this is true then you should treat such “loose nerves” and “broken bolts” with tight hands and sharp sandles.

    I understand that there are all type of people in India, even in North. Things will change when women start reacting and people understand and respect others.

    The picture looks great boss. :)

    Reply
  6. Sorry to hear that, must be a mixed bag of emotions with this move. Ironically, I always thought Kochi was the prgressive, modern city what with the naval base, Anglo Indian community etc , I loved the vibe there compared to the central cities of Trivandrum and Kottayam.

    Reply
    • Im sure its better thant the other cities in kerala..but inspite of its cosmo crowd..i think its mind lies in the gutter:)

      Reply
  7. I can only imagine how stressful this must be for you! Just keep breathing. Everything will be okay!

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  8. Written very well

    Reply
  9. hi there :) wanted to comment here ever since i read about ur art exhibition but couldnt get to it and thats when i got ur message …btw, my heartfelt congrats…really happy for u…:) as u said, we should meet up next time when i m in kochi…before u become a celebrity :P

    when’s ur move? does S know about this? she must be really happy to have one more friend in town :) do mail me at shncjj@gmail.com or my other personal one

    Reply
  10. Hugs to u and hope u settle down well in Kochi.

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  11. so sorry you have issues with going home, i have been to India a few times and understand but just be you

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  12. I’m glad tovisit ur site, but I’m sad to hear about these incidents you have faced in the past. These make my blood boil, and I wish I could send you some invisible shield to protect you from these thoughtless and cruel personal intrusions. We need to ban together as women and demand that this behavior stop! Thank you for sharing, my dear.

    Reply
    • thanks for the words of encouragement..its nice to know Im not alone in my reaction.

      Reply
  13. First things first–once you are settled down in Kochi we are meeting the next time I am there!!

    I agree completely with the so-called-eve-teasing part.You speak to 10 women,9 of them would say they had a similar experience.A bus journey,I have heard is the most horrifying.Having traveled alone[here,in Chennai] on buses and autos even after it turned dark I can say that I too have similar worries if we ever decide to move lock,stock and barrel out of here[which does seem like a distant possibility,but still]

    Anyway,good luck with your move and hope you enjoy Goa completely before moving out from there!!

    Reply
    • thanks Divya…nus journeys are MOST horrifying in kochi…and I wont be stepping into those ever.

      Reply
  14. Thanks for dropping by my blog and for leaving a comment! Incidents like these do leave very sore memories and I understand why it makes you so apprehensive! Let us hope that Kochi has changed for good. Wish you happy times ahead:)

    Reply
  15. Your story is very upsetting to me. To think that women in this day and age would have to suffer abuse like that. I really feel for you that you will have to deal with this. Those men should be ashamed of themselves. I wish you well and hope things get better there soon.

    Reply
  16. nice write-up. can totally relate. Loved the cartoon as well.
    Waiting for UIC to be established fully and once done, these kinda obscene behaviours should be recorded with their UIC and haunt their life everywhere , then these lowlifes will start to respect the ladies.
    Not sure, how do these lowlife decide that all ladies who walk out in public as public property.
    These groping shall happen for ladies of their house as well. What does in their mind?

    Reply
  17. I shifted from one apartment to other and it was so difficult.U tend to get attached to small things, neighbourhood etc.I hope you cope up with the change of place and enjoy the company of ur parents.Goa is a heaven..dosent feel like India.The concerns you have brought forward are every girl’s nightmare..but being from Delhi..I can just say it cant be worse…All the best for the new home.

    Reply
  18. I could feel your angst as I read this. It is quite a sad state of affairs. Like you said, when the moment comes, our frenzied thoughts rarely translate into action. Most of the times I stand there too frozen in shock and horror to be able to react. And with that, I lose all my chances of dealing with the prick who did that to me.

    Yes, it happens to most of us. I wonder when it will stop.

    Reply
  19. I totally understand. These are little rapes. But people like this are every where unfortunately. I have been through many things in Hyderabad too but what can you do against them? Is there a breach of law when a guy stands behind you? Its only you who knows why and how he is standing behind you.

    Reply
  20. We all have been through it sometime or the other and such incidences are difficult to deal with…. Hope you adjust well in Cochin…. :)

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  21. can understand,…

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  22. don’t i know the real reason behind the Tsunami of apprehensions?? hehehe.
    and yes touching and grabbing…welcome Kerala. but it’s going to be diff as M is mostly with u.
    when u moving. wish u were there for a year more. we cd’ve been together.

    Reply
  23. just wanted to tell you how much I love reading you. and trying your recipes. Best of luck with your move.hope to see you blogging soon

    Reply
  24. absolutely love your post. Can tell its written from the heart. and yes most of us have been victims one time or another.

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  25. eve teasing as it is popularly known in India is not just confined to cochi. I have had terrible experiences in Delhi and Mumbai too but I feel your angst and yes, a public humiliation helps.

    Reply
  26. Hope you will be able to adjust back in Cochin. Yes it is difficult to move from one place to other.

    Reply

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